photo: pets who want to kill themselves

Look at this tiny dog.
I can’t help but look at this dog and think about how adorable this dog must be every day. Every morning this little puppy’s owner wakes up to this little face with it’s tiny tail wagging.  Running around like a miniature stuffed animal. Oh dogs.

My dog story for today:
Today I was walkin’ down the main drag of my neighborhood and saw a large Pit Bull race down the street towards me. Not directly at me, more like to the left of me. Racing with it’s collar flopping around behind it. His owner ran a few stretches behind it, trying to catch up to her wild-spirited dog. Behind me a small little fluffy dog was freaking out in slow motion while it’s owner desperately tried to pull the dog up by it’s leash. The dog for a moment hung in the air by it’s leash while the Pit Bull skillfully bound down the sidewalk and bit right onto the tiny fluffball’s neck. The poor little thing squealed for mercy.

The dog owners were in a frenzy trying to pry the Pit Bull’s teeth from the tiny dog.  Finally the Pit Bull released and the flustered owner of the fluffball ran inside to safety with his tiny squealer.  Just then a man in skinny jeans who saw the whole thing go down, walked on by, wondering what the big deal was.  He was pretty cool with his long hair, sunglasses and stick legs.  I was pretty impressed by his ability to walk by unaffected.  He had the gait of a gazelle.  I wished he was wearing fine furs.  I wished he was Joe Namath.

I wish I had read this years ago. I guess I always knew I lacked focus. This is my new goal focus. I’m going to sit here and stare at this screen. Let’s see how long it lasts. That was exactly 10 seconds. I just ran over to tell my roommates funny.

My mom once told me I should learn how to do kung fu so that I might get more movie roles. More than the zero movie roles I have landed thus far.
Anyway, this is what I could hope for if I were to audition for a kung fu movie:

It’s a new day. I cleaned my room. I’m actually gradually doing that. My hopeful item for today is that Stumptown Coffee is coming to town! Look Here! http://nymag.com/restaurants/features/56145/”></a></p>

Stumptown Coffee!  I was there a couple years ago and it was one of my favorite coffee experiences ever.  

So I guess that’s pretty good, right?  I love coffee and Stumptown is here.  So that’s good I think.

I wish I knew how to link.

Ah that’s tomorrow I guess.

Hello Norway. I like you. It’s hard to believe that I’ve been here a little over a week. It’s all gone by rather quickly. Our first stop Trondheim. I love Trondheim. Our first night there we had a delightful meal at a small place that had a painting of Flea. It was a really nice little place. I felt like we were visiting a home and eating the home meal made by mom.

painting of flea!

Most people in our group had the fish soup which is a local favorite. Another favorite was the reindeer stew, which I partook of. Yum. It tasted like tender beef. I smiled and rubbed my rounded belly. Santa came to mind. Oh Rudolph, thank you for your sacrifice. Your stew is very tasty.

reindeer never tasted so good

The day after we had our first show which was in this structure where Germans used to construct U boats. The Norweigans tried to destroy the place because of the history of it, but when it was found indestructable, they turned it into a cultural center. Our theater space was in a huge huge space. Just look at this entrance.

this was the entrance to the Dora

They transformed this huge handball court into a theater space and we had two great shows.

I know this photo is blurry but you get the idea.

We are in Oslo and I need to take some pictures and tell some tales. I have yet to formally meet a Viking but I think I saw one on the street. He was carrying a polar bear over his shoulder and he chuckled as he drank from a chalice filled with blood. I was scared, but then I hid in a conveniently close pile of snow. He sniffed for me, but he was distracted by a small dog that ran right by him. He killed it by looking into his eyes. It was intense. I ran back to the hotel while he ate the dog. Phew! Close call.

Lately I feel like this lady I once met who said “California, I hated it.  Too much sunshine”.

What happened to that giddy feeling I used to get when I was a school girl?  I remember my first Homecoming dance.  I went to with a date!  A real live boy.  I fretted over what to wear and how my hair should be.   I remember that nervous jittery energy I had when I saw my date in his dressed up best walking towards me with a corsage!  A wrist corsage!  

The following year I went to the same lengths to curl and primp and ended up going to homecoming with a blonde boy who didn’t bother purchasing a corsage but claimed to have sewn flowers together and according to his tale, his friend out of embarrassment for him threw it over a fence.  This blonde boy would later go on to moon his class at graduation.  He had a cute blond skater hairdo and a mischievous grin, but ultimately my crush died that night.

Unfortunately this was just a taste of the letdown I would feel in years to come.  My point: I want to go back to that first dance, to that wonder I had when I walked into my first mist created by a fog machine.  Why does it smell like apple shampoo?

Nostalgia seems harmless but I hate how unsatisfied I feel after.  It’s like when I ate that Twix bar a couple days ago.  I was so excited to have that carmel. That cookie. That chocolate. I remembered how good Twix tasted in the past. I ate the two bars within a minute, might I add without assistance and felt that sugar rush.  A bit later my tummy hurt a and I felt sleepy.

Oh you! Memories, why must you deceive me?

Ben Franklin was a big time troublemaker. I mean, he was all about self improvement and being productive but in the end, it was all about Ben.
I don’t know why I’m so disappointed in this. I don’t know what I expected from Ben. He’s just a dude. I mean he was a smart dude who did a great many things.

I’m only 60 pages in this 500 page book. 500 pages! If I had a biography it would be like 5 pages long, full of pictures…of other people doing interesting things, but I digress.

So it turns out Ben Franklin started his own newspaper by playing two other existing newspapers against each other. Back in old time Philly (love the Boys II Men song) there were three presses one of which Ben owned and two others that pressed papers. Ben didn’t have his own paper so he thought up a little scheme: Destroy one of the presses to make room for his paper.

Anyhoo Ben wrote letters under pseudonyms to one of the papers, attacking the other pressman personally. But what I think is funny is the names he chose and here they are: Martha Careful and Celia Shortface! What? Really? Martha Careful? Celia Shortface? Come on. I mean really? Celia Shortface. That’s funny. His plan worked. The press that he aimed his attacks at folded and he got his newspaper.

Moral of the story: If you’re going to write letters to destroy someone, make sure you use clever names like Celia Shortface and Martha Careful.
I love it. Oh Ben you intrigue me.

Buenos dias!

Hello! I am in espain.  We are in Salamanca at an arts festival. Last night we saw Rufus Wainwright and he was pretty great.  He wore a matador outfit and said ‘ole’ and something about the butt, and then ended his set with that Leonard Cohen song “Hallelujah”.  I like that song.  And then we went to this open air dance place with djs, but then I had to pee, so we returned to the hotel and I slept like a baby.  Our show opens Friday.  Here are some pics.

This is The Plaza Mayor.  Nice, no?  

 

This is the dancey place.  It’s in this open air courtyard thingy.  See the flashing lights and people.

This is my roomie for Salamanca, Han Nah.  

Buenos Noches.