My Favorite New Show ever! (or for right now)

31 Aug

my-antonioThe cast of “My Antonio”.  The ladies and the always pectoral Antonio.  The producers told him he could button up his shirt if he wanted to but he refused

Q: Why must we judge?

A: Are you kidding?  Because if we are wise, we can avoid being surrounded by douchebags and jerks.

Most of the time I try to avoid being around douchebags.  So why, you might ask, would I spend my free time watching “My Antonio” where the star of the show, Antonio Sabato Jr. of General Hospital fame, is the mayor of douchetown. (How many times can I use the word “douche”?  It’s a challenge I tell you.)

But much to my surprise, I love “My Anotonio”.  I admit the first time I watched an episode my defenses were low.  It was 2am and I was too tired to lift my lifeless hand to change the channel, so I sat through an entire episode, and by the end I was so full of awe and contempt and confusion I needed to see another episode to decide if I should shit my pants now or wait for the final episode.

Not only is Antonio in a house full of a rainbow of women who all have perfect bodies but–get this, his mother is at every elimination dinner! And she is one scary bitch let me tell you.  She looks like a horror movie mom that locks you in a basement and beats you with a rusty shovel.

At the end of the first episode they pull a fast one on the audience, and supposedly Antonio (though I’m pretty sure he was in on it).  Get ready for this… His ex wife from 18 years ago Tully shows up! AHHH!  How creepy! (Nice work producers! I give you an A+ for creating drama).  But the thing is, she’s not only an ex, she’s one of those really fragile, annoying, cries all the time for attention, and acts like a petulant child when she doesn’t get her way ex.  Man she is great!

So in the latest installment, Antonio has the ladies write him a love letter and picks the two letters that touch the cockles of his heart the most and gives two lucky ladies a date!  The best part is, the ladies are required to write love letters with these feather pens!  How romantic.  My eyes almost fell out of their sockets and I dry heaved.  But I had just eaten some ice cream so I stopped myself.  I love ice cream and I wanted to keep it in my delicate digestive system.

Anyway, naturally he picks the redheaded Playmate with the ridiculously huge tits to go on a boat trip.  They go on a yacht and swim and romantically embrace.  In the midst of all this activity, her nip pops out and they have to blur out her boob.  Gross.  They’re eating grapes off the vine when Tully shows up!  That’s right , the “ex from hell” finds a way to get to Her Antonio, even if she has to take a jet ski to get to him.  Wow!  Nice work again producers.

Oh it’s so good, I can’t help watching it.  Tully, you are a gift to the show.  Were it not for you it would just be a bunch of girls and implants jumping and giggling around Antonio having a good time.  Tully, thank you for bringing rain upon their parade and a little sparkle in my heart.  You all must watch this to see what I’m talking about!

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