Listen, I love cupcakes as much as the next guy. In fact, I may love them more than the next guy. I used to eat one every chance I got but people, it’s gotten out of hand. Everything is about cupcakes. Everything! I mean, really, why am I complaining? It’s like complaining about free pillows or something. Everyone likes pillows. They’d have to be clean, brand new, free pillows. I don’t mean to get specific like that but it would be a different story if it were old and stained pillows.
Which brings me to my point about the cupcakes…I was minding my own business this winters day, having a coffee at my local coffeeing hole. I guess “watering hole” sounds better, but not that much better really. And I was happy. I was slowly, very slowly trying to complete the Tuesday New York Times crossword. I’m slower than most at the crossword and usually give up. So I look up for a moment and there he is. A man. A man wearing the cupcake beanie. No one else seemed disturbed by his hat, but I couldn’t stop staring at him. How dare he wear this hat? Was he trying to be funny or something? What, are we all college freshmen at a dorm? I was appalled at his nerve.
But then I thought, well maybe this hat is his way of saying that he had a girlfriend. So it was a silent message to all girls, “Back off, I’m taken”. Hey, hey take it easy bozo, I ain’t looking for no cupcake head. I hope he doesn’t bring that hat around this winter. I might take the hat from him and try to eat it. By the way, you can purchase your own cupcake hat, but I’m not telling you where because then I’ll have to face a world of people wearing cupcake hats and let me tell you this is one of my biggest nightmares.