Guh Halloween

31 Oct

vomitting-pumpkin

I think I might be the only person who isn’t excited about Halloween.  Don’t get me wrong.  I don’t have any ill feelings towards the holiday.  There are pumpkins and carving and candy.  It’s a great combo really, but then you get older and you’re supposed to go dressed up as something smart and funny and something people will be very impressed with when you explain the witty little costume you came up with.  “Oh you’re Nietzsche’s moustache, how clever”.  Whatever that means.  I’m sure it’s pre existentialist or whatever but I quit this sentence I don’t know what I’m saying.

Anyway, I’m not that smart.  When I was a kid I was one of those packaged costumes 3 years in a row.  I was the Apricot Strawberry Shortcake friend.  I don’t even know what the name of that character was.  (I just looked it up.  It’s “apricot” who would’ve thunk it?) I’m pretty sure it was one of the last costumes left at the store and that’s what I was.

When I was ten and at my most awkward I wore a strange cowboy outfit I put together from my mom’s closet.  That night me and my friend Erica and our other pal Sabrina walked the suburban streets without our parents.  We were quite the nerdy awkward trio: Erica was a red M&M and I think Sabrina was a dancer?  I forget.  Things were going okay but then some teens drove by and threw an egg at Sabrina and for the rest of the night we hid behind bushes to try an avoid the egg throwing teens.

My point is, Halloween is a holiday for degenerates… I’m surprised I don’t like it more.

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