Oh Bravo- in Two Parts

14 Apr

PART I – Millionaire Matchmaker

It was the season finale of Millionaire Matchmaker, and they tried to tie it up in a neat bow.  So what did we learn?  We learned that all the money in the world can’t buy you love.  No wait, that’s not what we learned.  We learned that most millionaires are babied in life, so it’s hard for them to form relationships with normal people.

So in the big season finale we met Zargos and some other nondescript dude.  I’d say the highlight of the show was when Zargos went on his date with Susan.  He took her to a boxing lesson.  Wait, who goes boxing on a date?  I guess I’m old fashioned and to me a date is a bonk on the head, heyo!  But really, I guess I missed out on a whole different level of date.

So, while Susan and Zagros are learning how to box, they get all hot and heavy.  I think Zagros gets all excited when Susan jumps rope and her boobs bounce around.  Men are simple creatures.  I wonder if you could excite a man by putting two gelatinous filled bags in his face and jiggle them around.  I’m guessing like Pavlov’s dog the man would salivate.  Just a guess.

Anyway, so while Susan and Zargos are making out, their boxing instructor, none other than Tyra Banks’ personal trainer, makes some really great uncomfortable faces.  In fact, the boxing teacher was the highlight of the show!  He should have his own show where he teaches different people to box and most of the time the camera is close up on his face.  I’m telling you this man’s face work is impressive.  He looks like a modern day Barney Rubble.

PART II – 9 By Design

Bravo, you’ve done it again but in a hip-family-that I could never be a part of-way.  I don’t really like kids in general.  Is that a mean thing to say?  I mean I like them.  They’re cute little things and they say the darndest things.  Really they do.  They’ll tell you in a heartbeat that you’re ugly and fat, so I’m not ready to hang with a bunch of kids.  But this couple seem to have it figured out in this way where they say “Oh we’re just figuring it all out” and I’m like, “Dude you guys have it figured out pretty well.  You’re like millionaires and shit AND you have 7 kids”.  It’s nuts, but basically they’re really living the life.  Doing what they love and living really well.  Not only that, but they’re hip and attractive and parents.  They’re no TLC family, that’s for sure.  I’d love to see Kate Gosselin go at it with Cortney.  That’s a Pay-Per-View fight I’d watch. It’d be better than GLOW- Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling, for those who don’t know.  I’d watch their fight and try to figure out how to be as fierce as Cortney.  Damn, look at how hip this family is.

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