As if I needed more reasons to eat something I regret. Listen I ain’t no foodie. I used to think Beefaroni was delicious. yep.
So yesterday I went to meet a friend at a kind of fancy-ish bar. Well it’s not fancy, but it has the affectations of something that wants to be fancy. It has the old timey wall paper and the wooded panels and the fine wines and whiskeys and ryes and whatnot, but I don’t completely buy it. In the last few years, everyone has adopted this 1920s look, or am I getting it wrong? Turn of the century look? The men have emerged with the beards and everyone has a mounted deer on their wall or antlers of some sort, and people are all a flutter about fancy whiskeys and shit. I’m happy with it. I’m fine with it. I’ll go along with a trend, especially when it comes to food. I’m really not very inventive when it comes to food things.
So yes, I was in this old timey establishment when the gent behind the counter- complete with slick hair and suspendies, asked me what sort of wine I preferred. Usually I go for the cheap wine. I am not the type to get all uppity, well maybe I am, but the way things are going these days, I’m better off with the cheaper wine. Anyhoodles, I said I wasn’t sure which I preferred and he offered to go through a little taste tester with me to find out which.
He described the first one we tried as “peety”, which I was impressed by. In my opinion it tasted perfumey. Then we tasted a couple more and I realized I don’t have proper vocabulary to describe wines. This one really makes my mouth feel like it’s working. Oh and this one tastes like a bath robe? Well, then, my friend arrived and I gave her a Take 5 bar as a gift. If you’re not aware, my current obsession is the Take 5 bar: a delicious mix of pretzel, peanut butter, caramel and covered in chocolate. Delicious, right?
When I handed the candy bar to my friend, the handsome barkeep seemed a little disappointed in my low-brow taste. I know we just had a conversation about fine ryes and the characteristics of wines, but sir, I grew up eating mac and cheese from a box and Hungry Man dinners, and as bad as it is, a part of me craves those things. So I had to voice my love of the Take 5 bar. It is a delicate balance of my favorite things about candy combined with a little salt. I describe it as a night of crazy snacking put into one delicious bar, and it has become my passion.
Which brings me to KFC’s Double Down. WHAT? Come on now. An LA Times blogger recently described his experience eating this contraption. Say goodbye to the bun, people. Are they really trying to say it’s healthier cause there’s no bun? But there’s cheese and also bacon and TWO PIECES OF FRIED CHICKEN. Am I wrong? There’s a healthier option, with the rotisserie chicken. Still, it’s absurd. No? That’s right, I have two pieces of chicken in my hand stuffed with bacon and cheese. No I will not share. I might like it. Really. Who knows. I am just scared to venture down that road, because I’m already hooked on the Take 5 bar. The Double Down might be the cause of my demise.