I might have mentioned before that I am a huge fan of the Bravo network. I watch all the shows. I’m down with the Housewives– each and every city, the delicious Top Chef and I even watch Shear Genius, which I’m sure no one watches. Do I have a lot of time on my hands, maybe. Anyways, one of my all time favorites is The Millionaire Matchmaker and that sassy Patti Stanger. It’s a nice substitute for my old favorite Blind Date, though Blind Date has a trash factor that could maybe be compared to Cheaters, but that’s a different story all together. In any case, most of the time the millionaires Patti deals with are egomaniacal babies- both men and women, and it’s rare she deals with someone that breaks my heart.
Last night her millionaires were: a muffin dude (he sells muffins and is a lawyer-go figure) and a Silicon Valley nerd. The Silicon Valley nerd, Dylan was adorable. Maybe I have a soft spot somewhere in my heart for a real nerd, or maybe seeing a nerd on television awakens my inner nerd. I was told by my mom as a kid that I wasn’t smart enough to be a nerd, so I didn’t have to worry about being too nerdy. She was wrong, I was a bit of a nerd, and by the way, thanks mom. I had my own Patti Stanger in my midst. Anyways, Dylan was adorable with his strange shelf hair and awkwardness.
To break him out of his shell, Patti made him take a dance lesson (pictured above). A few things on that. Um, who is this dance teacher? Where is she from? I have no idea what the dance world is like, but did they pluck her out of the 90s? Well they might have, because they started hip hop dancing and this dancing instructor started showing my little Dylan how to move his hips around like a real lothario. Dylan got so into the bumping and grinding, apparently Patti mentioned he might have gotten a bit too excited, if you know what I mean. Oy. Sidenote: I could dance battle that “teacher” and take her down. Shit, I got some mean dance moves.
Finally he got set up with the cute Ariele, a brown haired, cute little gal. She realized on the date what a nerd he was, but she seemed pretty cool with it. Some highlights on their date were:
-the ‘cool’ piano dude with the douchey hat. Is that mean? Well it’s true, that hat belongs to douchey people. Wow. I’m so opinionated.
-Dylan mentioned that he woke up with a zit on the morning of his date. (*aw, and I totally identify with that)
-Dylan mentioned he was a Wiffle Ball pro. Wow. Um.
-Ariele said she always carries her own music that she writes with her and then sang and played piano. Oh man, it was bad. So bad. And it kept going and I thought I might die. But it finally was over and I was embarrassed for her.
The whole date reminded me of a teenage movie from the 90s maybe like a Say Anything or something, and inside my inner nerd cried a little, but the tears were tears of joy, not of sorrow. Thank you Patti. Thank you.